The Struggle of Not Fitting In

I choose to eat in a way that is different than the societal and cultural norms around me. Honestly, it's not always fun, but the reality is, I feel better when I eat in a way that serves my body as nourishment rather than a coping mechanism, a celebratory symbol, a social activity, or a bonding experience. Sure, food can be all those things, but that's part of the problem of what led me to poor health and the need to be "extreme" in my eating in order to heal.

I'm writing about this because I want to name my struggles and also to remind you that you are not alone. Eating in a new way that is contrary to those around us is hard and can make us feel like the outsider. Feeling like an outsider can easily lead us to give up and give in so that we can be "accepted" by those around us. The struggle of not fitting in is real and can be difficult to overcome. We are strong though. We can do it. We are worthy of healing.

We are worthy of healing.

How I don't feel like I fit in with my boyfriend:

My boyfriend wants me to be happy and healthy. So after I voiced the need for his support in eating "clean" and figuring out how to heal my body, he's taken it seriously and changed some of the behaviors we had as a couple when we first started dating. For instance, we used to go out to eat Pho and other Asian foods often. He's Hmong (pronounced mung), so it's the food he grew up on and wanted to share with me. Plus, Asian food is delicious! However, most foods out have seed oils in them, so for that reason alone, eating out was no longer an option. Sure, I could get meat based foods, but avoiding seed oils and sugar while in a restaurant is extremely difficult. Even a common brand of salt has dextrose in it! And even if we did find a place with no seed oils and clear ingredients, odds are, it's too expensive for our budget. Once we took away food as a way of bonding and going out, our options dwindled, especially in the winter here in a northern state where blistering cold wind can make it so even the most resilient person can't stay warm for too long. In the summer, we filled our time with fishing and going for walks, but had to plan properly. Meaning, will we be out too long and need to bring food for me? I couldn't just buy anything, anytime, anywhere. Ingredients and the way things were cooked limited me greatly. Yes, I have a goal to not be that strict forever, but while I'm healing, I have to be. The initial change with my boyfriend was a bit difficult, but it was good to see how he supported me and pivoted in how we interact and bond with each other. While we've come a long way, it's still a challenge and something that impacts our relationship more than I initially thought it would.

avoiding seed oils and sugar while in a restaurant is extremely difficult. Even a common brand of salt has dextrose in it!

How I don't feel like I fit in at work:

Some workplaces are more difficult than others with this, but I currently work in a place where shared food is a common and normal part of the culture. In the suite my cubicle is located, there's a constant supply of shared snacks. Give some, take some is the rule. And just like many workplaces, milestones and accomplishments are rewarded with some kind of food treat, often from a bakery or a pizza place. At a larger level, colleagues will announce to the building when they have leftover food from their events and meetings to share with us all. Telling people "no" once isn't too difficult, but saying "no" over and over starts to make people notice. And if they start asking questions, it easily starts feeling awkward. Telling people you're trying to heal your gut and are avoiding seed oils, sugar, and most carbs makes them look at you funny. If you weren't already considered weird at work before, you certainly are considered weird now. The temptation is real and the feelings of being different and not participating can be difficult to overcome. At my work, we soon have an appreciation lunch for our maintenance team. I will not be able to eat the food they are catering with, however, I will still be participating as a way to show my thanks. Yet, I'm debating how I want to do it. Should I bring my own food and eat along side them, but be "inviting" questions about why I'm not eating the catered food? Should I be there, but not eat and just socialize with a Spindrift in hand? That also "invites" questions, but I could just say I'm eating later (which will be true). Either way, it's not an ideal situation because I know socially I am being different, but my health is more important than feeling a bit odd. My closest coworkers are mostly used to how I eat, but at the same time, they regularly inquire if I'm back to eating "normal" yet. To which, they don't realize, I may never eat the same way again if I truly want to heal and maintain optimal health. A standard American diet may be normal, but that doesn't mean it's right for optimal living.

Telling people "no" once isn't too difficult, but saying "no" over and over starts to make people notice.

How I don't feel like I fit in with my family:

Most of the time this doesn't impact me too much since I'm around my parents the most and they are also on a low carb healing journey. That being said, it wasn't always that way. Now, it's largely at holidays and during special celebrations, such as birthdays, that there's still a bit of a struggle. When I was little, we didn't have a lot of money and part of our birthday celebrations was getting to eat out. Recently, my Dad asked how I wanted to celebrate my 31st birthday and I really didn't have an answer. If I want to stay clean with my eating with certainty, eating out isn't practical, even with meat based options, because I need to avoid seed oils and sugar which are in nearly every restaurant and includes the potential for cross contamination. He's human and was offering a loving gesture, but he had a slightly disappointed look on his face after my answer. It is hard to make that mental change when the past 30ish years of my life we've been celebrating with delicious foods. At Thanksgiving, it was difficult to say "no" to the delightful looking and smelling home cooked foods around me. It sucked feeling like I was being a bit rude by telling my sister-in-law "no, thank you". She was always kind about it, but when you see someone putting all that work into it, you want to partake to appreciate their hard work (plus, I know her food is delicious based on past consumptions). That being said, trying to avoid a moment of awkward feelings is not worth sacrificing months of hard work and healing for. Family will get over it, and if they don't, there are other issues that need to be worked through. Your diet choices, no matter how "extreme" they seem, should never be a reason a family "breaks up". Bonding and love is more than just food.

It is hard to make that mental change when the past 30ish years of my life we've been celebrating with delicious foods.

How I don't feel like I fit in with myself:

It might be weird to think about it, but I've also had to change myself in order to heal and it's almost like I don't fit with myself any more. I'm literally reshaping myself physically and I'm changing my mental patterns, which means I'm not the person I was 10, 5, or even 1 year ago. Of course, there are parts of my "old" personality that are still present, but there are other parts of my identity that I'm changing in order to have a better life and I can feel a bit lost or that I'm looking at a stranger when I look in the mirror. Here's the thing though, time passes no matter what. Whether or not I am intentional about the actions I take to grow as a person, time will move on and I will change. That's the part of aging that happens whether we like it or not - we change. Change happens regardless of whether or not I make intentional efforts, so if I want to have any say in who I become in the future, I choose to put in the effort to become the best version of myself. In some aspects it's like I've lost a part of me, but that was a part of me that wasn't healthy. Even if unhealthy was all I'd known, which makes healthy all the more scary, embracing health is important and I'm worthy of healing.

Change happens regardless of whether or not I make intentional efforts, so if I want to have any say in who I become in the future, I choose to put in the effort to become the best version of myself.